I Wish I Could Hate You to Death

Not YOU, specifically…but all of the anonymous morons out there that time and time again prove that there is such a thing as the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, or GIFT.

The GIFT states that a normal person + anonymity + audience = total fuckwad. If you can’t do the math, what this means is that any “normal” person hidden behind their monitor (or in today’s case, their iPhone) can be as obnoxious as they’d like without fear of consequences since none of the people that they’re acting like a total bitch to can find them and beat their sorry ass black and blue.

To see the GIFT strip from Penny-Arcade, click the link!


Today’s aggravation came from Words With Friends, and it made me angrier than it had any right to. It sucks because this is a trivial issue, but it doubly sucks because this is the 5th time it’s happened. As I explained in my Words With Friends post, it takes about 2 minutes for a player’s move to go through, and this is at maximum performance.

However, if the server is having issues or your WiFi was eaten by a dog, it can take much longer for moves to show up. Most people that have played this game probably realize that this happens, and rarely do “random opponents” intentionally ignore you. If they don’t move quickly, it can be for a number of reasons, some of which were stated above, but the other big one is that the other person has a fucking life and is not attached to their phone.

Today I started a new, random opponent game with Ashbomb20. And as with most dickless Words With Friends players, I was told to hurry up before WWF had even told me that it was my move (2 minutes). Unlike most games, I was actually holding my phone at the time. I was incensed, of course, but made my move. I wanted to rage at him for his comment but thought better of it, as I was sure that I would end up assuming that he was 12 or had a very small, possibly inverted penis.

I sat there stewing for a few minutes, and then decided that I WAS going to say something, because being rude for no reason just isn’t on with me, and it’s amazing how few people these days have been taught manners or proper internet etiquette. In the end, this was the “conversation”:

Ashbomb20: Hurry up!

Maxose: Dude. I just got the message NOW. Relax. If I’m too slow for you, feel free to resign. And while we’re at it, it’s YOUR turn. My last move was 10 minutes ago.

It’s been about an hour since I sent that message, and no moves or responses since. Maybe I scared him.


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